Posts Tagged ‘psychology’

men are from mars, women are from venus :)

June 11, 2008

a dear friend, shu hua, shared the following with me. basically, it’s oprah winfrey’s two cents worth on relationships and men (for both the ladies and the men out there). i don’t agree with every single piece of advice but yes, i do agree with most of it.

hope the rest of my dear readers will also find it useful and enlightening. ūüôā

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t ‘be friends’. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is Don’t stay because you think ‘it will get better’.
You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you
any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.

 
Never borrow someone else’s man.
If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

 
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending… Compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships…
There is nothing cute about baggage…
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…
Look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.

Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are,
and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted
Never move into his mother’s house.
Never co-sign for a man.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Dr Phil : Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful.

You should know that:
You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing.
If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one.

They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.
Make the right one.
 
Ladies take care of your own hearts….
 
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)…

You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another
woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. 

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This is My Story; What’s YOURS?

May 10, 2008

Childhood – The Earliest Seeds

As an overweight kid, I could never escape the clutches of the Trim and Fit Club! Everyday, I had to report to a designated area in the canteen (in full view of other kids) where I spent recess with other overweight children like myself and the teachers would monitor whatever we ate. 

I was miserable because it was bad enough that I could never spend recess with my friends but on top of that, I had to spend recess with other overweight children in full view of the entire school!!! Even now, I remember crawling towards the Trim and Fit area ashamed, embarassed and feeling extremely small. After reporting to the teacher, I slunked in a corner hoping against hope to escape from notice.

Did this experience leave an indelible mark on my self esteem? Maybe; maybe not. But what I do know is that from a young age, I was different – because of my weight.

This went on for many years but the year I hit twelve years of age, enough was enough. The crash dieting began. Only one meal a day and I started running at a feverish intensity Рonce in the morning and once at night. Within months, I lost 11kg. Teachers began to worry and my parents were called in. But nothing could stop me. I was determined to do anything to be normal.

Over time, I eventually fell out of the Trim and Fit Club because I was not only no longer overweight but I was UNDERweight. And yes, I got my wish of finally being able to spend recess as a normal kid but it was never the same again. In my heart, I was an ugly duckling who had clamoured its way into the world of the normal. Although many boys started showering me with attention and I was nicknamed the belle of the school, deep inside, I would always be nothing more than an ugly duckling playing swan.

Rejection (s)

Of course other events continued to punctuate¬†my growing up years but if I were to expound on all, it’d be a thesis!!! ūüôā¬†Through it all, though, my self esteem remained extremely low. In secondary school (junior high school), I was actually a candidate for prom queen (surprise!!!) and I was doing well both academically and socially. But sadly, my self esteem never improved.

The huge blow came when I moved into junior college (senior high school) and started falling for this guy we shall name J. He was a very good friend and the feelings grew as we became closer friends over time. By this time, I had gained some of my original weight and was no longer the slim and beautiful prom queen candidate in secondary school. Instead, I was hoping to be loved and accepted for who I was. Fully aware that I was the girl-next-door kind of girl guys enjoyed having as a friend but rarely fell for, I knew better than to betray my feelings for J. Nonetheless, as a streetwise young man, he knew.

One day, I was returning to the classroom after visiting the restroom and only J and his friends were in the classroom at that time. None of them had any idea that I was there and as many normal growing up guys enjoyed doing, they were discussing girls. 

“J, I see you’re quite close to Mariko huh?? Any chance or not?? That you both will be together?”, J’s friend teased.¬†

Mariko? Oh please. I would never fall for her. She’s not even pretty and what’s more, she doesn’t play sports – So boring. She’s too fat for me too. I like slim girls with big eyes and long hair.”¬†

Thereafter, I stopped hanging out with J and his friends and I never spoke to any of them ever again. Did they ever find out that I had overheard their conversation? I will never know. But from that day onwards, the crash dieting and self mutilation began again. And till today, J’s words remain deeply ingrained in my heart.

Craving for love and acceptance, when I was slim again after several months of crash dieting, I started dating around and eventually landed myself in my first relationship. It was self affirming at first but the relationship winded to an end amidst violence and cheating after 4.5 years.

Today, I stand alone struggling with a staggering self esteem and a deeply wounded heart that has probably never healed completely ever since¬†that day when I had overheard J’s comments to his friends.

The one important lesson I’ve learnt is¬†: That we should never pin our self esteem and self worth on anybody other than ourselves. Because one day, that very person will disappoint us and we’ll only end up with more pain and an even more damaged self esteem.

Yes, this is my story – unabridged and painfully honest. What’s yours?