Posts Tagged ‘friendship’

a splinter in the heart

May 22, 2008

Just a few days ago, I found out on Facebook that a mere three months after our break up, my ex is now attached to the very girl who was a third party in my 4.5 years relationship with him. I certainly don’t dig him anymore but still, it hurts deeply.

It simply goes to show that despite both their claims of just being “friends”, the truth was far from that. Not only was I betrayed and lied to but it’s never a positive influence on a girl’s self esteem when she experiences being cheated on. Somewhere deep inside, she’ll always wonder if she was inferior in any way such that despite giving her entire heart and soul, another girl could come along and whiz her man away so easily. It didn’t help at all that my self esteem was already extremely low and something I struggled with constantly.

Once upon a time, I heard stories of friends being cheated on and my heart ached for them. I couldn’t imagine the hurt and most of all, the impact on their self esteems. I even recall telling my then boyfriend that it must hurt so so deeply that I would do anything to help ease their pain.

Life’s strange, isn’t it? The very thing you never expected would ever happen to you happens to you. And when it does, you have to pinch yourself to convince yourself that the experience is real.

Soon it was my turn to be cheated on and I cannot deny the splinter it has left in my heart and soul. After that first relationship and its painful end amidst violence and cheating, something in my heart has just died. As of now, I stand alone with my faith in relationships entirely demolished and my self esteem lying shattered into a million pieces. Still, life goes on and somehow, I have to move on from all the bitterness and pain.

What’s more, a dear guy friend recently realized that I was starting to develop feelings for him and our friendship has inevitably hit a low. I chide myself for it because a perfectly good friendship is now badly strained. Yet, all I can do at this juncture is to pray that our friendship will make it through this painful phase. As of now, the silence of my mobile phone and the distant replies are piercing the splinter deeper into my already reeling heart. I miss him very much as a dear friend. And why does it seem like a crime to appreciate and fall for a person?

Dear dear God, right now, I just pray with every part of my being that things will look up soon and most of all, that my friendship with that dear guy friend would make it through. Because friendship is so precious.