Archive for the ‘relationship’ Category

men are from mars, women are from venus :)

June 11, 2008

a dear friend, shu hua, shared the following with me. basically, it’s oprah winfrey’s two cents worth on relationships and men (for both the ladies and the men out there). i don’t agree with every single piece of advice but yes, i do agree with most of it.

hope the rest of my dear readers will also find it useful and enlightening. ūüôā

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t ‘be friends’. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is Don’t stay because you think ‘it will get better’.
You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you
any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.
If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending… Compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships…
There is nothing cute about baggage…
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…
Look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.

Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are,
and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted
Never move into his mother’s house.
Never co-sign for a man.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Dr Phil : Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful.

You should know that:
You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing.
If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one.

They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.
Make the right one.
Ladies take care of your own hearts….
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)…

You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another
woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. 


a splinter in the heart

May 22, 2008

Just a few days ago, I found out on Facebook that¬†a mere¬†three months after our break up, my ex is now attached to the very girl who was a third party in my 4.5 years relationship with him. I certainly don’t dig him anymore but¬†still, it hurts deeply.

It¬†simply goes to show that despite both their claims of just being “friends”, the truth was far from that. Not only was I betrayed and lied to but it’s never a positive influence on a girl’s self esteem when she experiences being cheated on. Somewhere deep inside, she’ll always wonder if she was inferior in any way such that despite giving her entire heart and soul, another girl could come¬†along and whiz her man away so easily. It didn’t help at all that my self esteem was already extremely low and something I struggled with constantly.

Once upon a time, I heard stories of friends being cheated on and my heart¬†ached for¬†them. I couldn’t imagine the hurt and most of all, the impact on their self esteems. I even¬†recall¬†telling¬†my then boyfriend that it must hurt so so deeply¬†that I would do anything¬†to help ease their pain.

Life’s strange, isn’t it? The very thing you never expected would ever happen to you happens to you. And when it does, you have to pinch yourself to convince yourself that the experience is real.

Soon it was my turn to be cheated on and I cannot deny the splinter it has left in my heart and soul. After that first relationship and its painful end amidst violence and cheating, something in my heart has just died. As of now, I stand alone with my faith in relationships entirely demolished and my self esteem lying shattered into a million pieces. Still, life goes on and somehow, I have to move on from all the bitterness and pain.

What’s more, a dear guy friend recently realized that¬†I was starting to develop feelings for him and our friendship has inevitably hit a low. I chide myself for¬†it because a perfectly good friendship is now badly strained. Yet, all I can do at this juncture¬†is to¬†pray that our friendship will make it through this painful phase. As of now, the silence of my mobile phone and the distant replies are piercing the splinter deeper into my already reeling¬†heart. I miss him very much as a dear friend. And why does it seem like a crime to appreciate and fall for a person?

Dear dear God, right now, I just pray with every part of my being that things will look up soon and most of all, that my friendship with that dear guy friend would make it through. Because friendship is so precious.